Monday, August 3, 2009

Beautiful

Dear Cameron,

I know I'm a few days late on this, but in all honesty, I couldn't put into words what I was feeling on your birthday. My heart hurt and my mind was thoughtless.

I love you and miss you more than words could possibly say. Where did this time go, and why is it that you've been gone so long already? It feels like it was just months ago that you passed, and that our world fell apart. But it's a year later, and for some reason I can't grasp that. I think about you everyday, and not a single week goes by that I don't shed a tear over you, my sweet angel.

You got your little sister here safe and sound and, for that, I will never be able to thank you enough. I look at her and wonder what parts of you she has. What features she possesses that you would have too. I watch her look around in amazement and smile, and I wonder if she knows. If she knows how special she is, and what an important role she plays in our lives. All because of you, love. Without your passing, she wouldn't be here. You gave the ultimate sacrifice darling. You're more amazing than you'll ever know.

I saw the letter that daddy wrote you and it tore me apart. He loves you so much baby! We all do! I know he doesn't express things the way I do, but I know you can see inside his heart, and you can see and feel the love he has for you. He misses you just as I do.

Then there's Aiden. He talks about you all the time. Never failing to let people know that he's got a little brother in Heaven. He always asking about you. Asking questions that I may never know the answer to. It's hard, but I do the best I can.

Your birthday was beautiful! The butterflies and balloons were amazing, and I'm so glad that your little sister was able to share it all with us. She doesn't know yet, but one day she will be able to look at those pictures and realize how beautiful the day was and how special it was to have her there. We were all one big family that day! Even though you couldn't be there with us, I felt you all around. In that moment, for the first time in a year, I felt as if our family was complete. With the balloons flying high and the butterflies fluttering all around us, I felt as if we were in a whole different world. I felt you completely.

So thank you Cameron. Thank you for more than you'll ever know. For everything you've shown me and given us this past year. For making me realize things I never would have otherwise. For showing me the true beauty in life - even when, at times, everything seems so dark and ugly. You're the most amazing baby boy! Please continue to watch over us, and keep us safe.

Until we meet again sweet pea...

We love you!!

3 comments:

JenJen said...

What a beautiful letter and I thought to myself how special it was to have Allie born right before Cameron's birthday so that she could be at his birthday party.

It is amazing how fast time flies, doesn't it?

((hugs))

Mrs. Mother said...

That is a beautiful, wonderful letter. I often think that Jenna gave the ultimate sacrifice, too, so that Ella could be here.

I know Cameron feels your love and knows you love him. I can't believe our stories and our journey began a year ago, can you?

Heather Lee said...

((HUGS)) Tears just filled my eyes as I read every line of this letter. You have no idea what an inspiration you have been to me since your loss. I was so drawn to your story while we were on the Dec/08 board together. I could not figure out why I was so drawn to you until I had my own loss 5 weeks later. I wish you could only know how much hope and comfort your posts have brought to me through the last year. Cameron certainly has touched a lot of lives....