Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tomorrow...

To explain how I'm feeling right now isn't easy. And that's putting it lightly.

I literally couldn't explain the emotions that are going through me at this very second. Not even if you gave me the entire day to do so.

First off, little Allie was born on Tuesday! Birth story and pictures will be posted shortly on her blog!

I'm excited to have her here, but it's hard to feel the full extent of that happiness when I know what is coming tomorrow. The anxiety is killing me. The sadness is heart-wrenching. What do I do?

My mom got us this beautiful stone for Cameron's garden, and brought it over today. I started crying and just kissing Allie over and over.
It's absolutely beautiful! I love it! But, just that fact that we need it breaks my heart. I just can't believe it's going to be 1 year tomorrow since we lost him.

I ordered some butterflies for tomorrow and they arrived today. An amazing place called butterflies and prayers donated them to us! So, we'll be releasing the butterflies while other family members release balloons. It's going to be so beautiful to see all of it, but it's not exactly excitement that runs through me when I think of the coming of tomorrow.

10 comments:

Mrs. Mother said...

yippee on Allie being here. I am so happy for you. Could you post a link to your other blog? I would love to follow it.

I know tomorrow is going to be so hard on you. Big hugs to you. The butterfly release sounds beautiful.

Heather Lee said...

I love the idea of the stone in the garden...so meaningful and beautiful.

Much love to you today. I truly can't believe it has been a year...((hugs))

JenJen said...

You were my first thought this morning, my sweet friend.

Just know that little Cameron will always be in my heart. He was the first baby that I didn't know personally that made me cry. I never hear the name Cameron without my heart immediately going to your little boy.

A million ((Hugs)) to you...and, I love the garden stone that your mom bought you. How touching...

Jill said...

Hollie,
I knew you from the Dec08 board on BBC - just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about and praying for you today.

Congrats on sweet Allie!

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

it is so difficult to love a child whole heartedly yet miss another with the same intensity. It took me a couple of months to sort all that out and come to a place where I was ok with that. I love his stone - that is a great idea to remember him. Happy Birthday Cameron, you are loved and missed by many!

Miranda said...

Hollie,
I only know you from the Dec 08 board and you were the first person I thought of this morning. As I was sitting here at work I began to think of you again, so I decided to check the blog. I've been praying for you this morning and will continue throughout the day. God will comfort you (I know you already know this!).

Jessica said...

Thinking of you today.

Julia said...

Hi-

I am just thinking of you today and wanted to let you know that. The garden stone is beautiful. I planted a butterfly garden for my son and I know what a heartfelt present that is for you and your family. Take care of yourself today.

Julia

Jessica said...

Thinking of you today...

nknynative said...

Camerons memorial stone is beautiful. i am sure he had a hand in making sure Allie was here for his memorial. His passing made her life possible. He will alawys be her guardian angel big brother.
Nicole BBC 12/08