Thursday, February 18, 2010

Long time

It seems so empty around here anymore - blogland that is.

Everyone has either just dissapeared or they are busy updating new blogs, with their new babies. I'm the same way! This place used to be my crutch, but I don't need it as much as I used to anymore. It's still the first place I come to write when I'm in a down moment, but those moments are far and few between now. Not that I've never written a happy post - I've written quite a few actually - but, it's more than likely that someone will write more when they're in a bad place, you know?

I haven't been in a bad place in awhile now! I've had a couple of down moments, but nothing bad.

Still thinking of my little man every single day. :) and he makes sure of that too! Just the little things that happen! Take for instance the fact that he was born at 6:55. Everyday I will look at the clock, not even thinking about what time it is, and it will be 6:55. I just smile. And my dreams....oh, the dreams. They bring me more comfort than anything else - they always have. It's the only place I can go to and be with Cameron. I remember one of the first dreams I had about him. I was actually pregnant with Allie at the time, but I didn't know she was a girl yet.

I blogged about it here, but it was basically that Cameron was wheeled into my hospital room, in a bassinet, and I got to hold him, and love on him, and look into his eyes. He smiled at me. Then, in a split second, it wasn't him anymore. It was a baby girl. I was confused and hurt, but at the same time, I was still drawn to this new baby. I wanted to take her home...I knew she was mine.

2 months later we found out we were having a little girl. I took that dream as a sign from Cameron, that Allie is part of him. Some of the things she does, some of her features - they are him. Just as it is with Aiden. I see all of my children in one another, and it makes my heart melt.

My love. Don't you worry your cute little head. I will never forget you. I think about you daily, and you're in my heart always. We love you munchkin!

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