Monday, March 30, 2009

Incomplete?

Does anyone else ever get the feeling that their family will forever be incomplete?

It seems as though lately, something has been bugging me deep down - like I'll never be satisfied. And now, I think I know why...

I was thinking about our little Allie coming and how exciting, bittersweet and amazing it's going to be. But, even while having these happy thoughts go through my head, I find myself with a bit of sadness always lingering. I honestly think it's because, no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, our family will always feel incomplete without Cameron here. Most people have more babies, make more money, get a bigger house - all of that great stuff. But us......well, for us it's never going to happen.

Again, it comes down to never being able to fix that issue that bothers me so much. I know I have to go the entire rest of my life with this empty spot in my heart. We'll always be missing that one thing - - - Cameron.

5 comments:

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I was thinking about that the other day too. Whenever I sign a card with Bill's name, my name, and our future childrens' names...will it always make me so sad that Gregory's name isn't being written? I can't imagine ever writing out the name of my children and forgetting that one is missing. Hugs.

JenJen said...

None of our families will ever be complete, and unfornately this is just a fact that cannot be undone. More children will not replace Cameron, nor will having another baby replace Lily. I'm sure one day when you're telling Allie about her big brother, Cameron, your heart will still leap at the sound of his name.

nknynative said...

Hollie

Unfortunatly we are forever a family without one of our children here on earth. I have always seen our other children not as replacements for Jay, but as children sent by him to be with us. I will tell you 10 years later I still shed "happy tears" thinking of him. Losing a child does change you forever, both in good ways and bad. Hang in there.

Dylan's Mommy said...

You are so right. Our families will forever be incomplete and nothing else will ever fill that void.

The Dorns said...

Awww hunny =( I cant imagine the emptiness your heart feels. Draw on the comfort that Cameron is with you and looking over the family. I know its not the same but Cameron came for a reason, he was and is important. This new baby is not a replacment but a sibling to Cameron. I have a book I want to share with you that is a childrens book that is a story book about the loss of a sibling. I will send you the name of it soon.