Friday, January 16, 2009

Strange...

I had one of the strangest dreams last night. However, it was a very happy dream too.

I remember being in the hospital, and I was still pregnant. All of a sudden, a nurse wheels a baby into our room. Then she leaves. I turned to the Dr. and said, "This isn't my baby. There must be a mix up!" She turned to me and said, "No, that's your baby. Don't you remember?" She didn't have to say anymore.
I ran to the cart, shouted, "Oh God...Cameron!", and scooped the baby up. The Dr. just turned, smiled at me, and left the room. Chev and I were overjoyed. Even though it was just a dream, I felt the most amazing sense of happiness come over me, and I can still remember what it felt like! I can't explain it!
It was like a million years of sadness had left us in that single moment.

Then it hit me! I'm still pregnant! I turned to Chev and said, "We're going to have two after all!" and we just smiled at eachother.

The next part was the confusing part. I don't remember how it came to this, but somehow the baby wasn't Cameron anymore. It was a baby girl. I thought it was some sort of cruel joke the nurses had played on us. I was so hurt and upset. I didn't understand what it meant or why anyone would do that to us.
Then I realized that I still wanted to bring that baby home. I still felt as if she were mine.

Now, I'm a huge analyzer when it comes to dreams. I try my hardest to figure out the meaning of them. Whether it's subconscious or something spiritual. So this is my best translation of the dream (although I'm sure, to the experts, it's something much deeper *insert eye roll* lol)

The fact that I was pregnant and had a baby at the same time maybe represents the baby I'm carrying now. I've had a small feeling it's a girl for awhile now. Maybe the whole thing with the baby being Cameron in the beginning, and then turning out to be a baby girl, and her still being "mine", represents a more spiritual side of things. Like maybe this is Cameron coming back to us - just in a different way.

I don't know how much I believe in reincarnation or that someone's spirit will comes back to us, but it's something I'm open to. Only because I really don't KNOW what happens when we pass. I know we'll see those we've lost one day - I do believe that. But, there's also part of me that believe that sometimes they are sent back to us. I'm just not too sure. Like I said - I'm open to all possibilities really.

Then there's always the possibility that I'm looking into this way too much, lol. It could very well have just been some off the wall, pregnancy dream. We all know how crazy those can get. I'm just happy that I got to feel what it was like to hold Cameron, and have him look at me and smile. Like I said, the happiness that I felt inside, was absolutely indescribable. "He" had very light brown hair, beautiful porcelain skin with the most beautiful light blue eyes.

I once went to a genetic-type site for eye color. And with our family member's eye colors, and mine and Chev's eye color, our children will only have either blue or green eyes(50/50 with each). It said our first would most likely have green (Aiden has green eyes), and that our second would most likely have blues eyes. I never saw Cameron's eyes, but I always pictured him with blue eyes for some reason. :)

3 comments:

Never forgetting Gregory said...

That is so awesome. I'm glad you got to feel that baby in your arms again and see his face. I love it!

Carly said...

Hollie,

What an incredible dream you had. I too had a dream about my little guy recently

http://scarletriver26.blogspot.com/2008/12/dream-and-song-for-my-children.html

Thats the link if you wanted to read, just skip past the first few paragraphs and video clip.

Dreams bring so much to me... Such intense happiness sometimes.

I too wondered if Christians soul would come back to me through my next baby. When I held River for the first time she was sleeping. She looked just liked Christian. I thought " He has come back to me " And then see opened her eyes and stared into my soul. It was then that I realized that she wasn't Christian but just another little soul that would bless my life.

Who knows how it all works :)

Sending you love Hollie,

Carly x

Heather Lee said...

Thinking of you...Glad to read everything is going well! -Heather from BBC