Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th ...

It's crazy to think about this time last year. I was at a friends lake house, enjoying myself with my husband and son, and thinking about our little one we would have in 4 months. I remember turning down drinks, and being leary of eating the hot dogs (lol...paranoia much?). I remember laying out on the deck in my jean skirt and bikini top, staring lovingly at my tiny baby bump. I sat there with such excitement inside of me, knowing that in just a few short weeks, we would find out if we were having a precious baby boy or girl.

I think how crazy it is that I had no idea that in just 6 days, our world would get turned upside down. Isn't it weird when you think about that? What would I have done differently had I known that it was going to happen? How would this time last year be different than it actually was. Fate is a strange thing. A confusing thing. It's wild.

Now, here I sit again, on another 4th of July. Very pregnant, but with different feelings inside of me. Where little Allie is - that was our Cameron's home just a year ago. He was the one flipping around inside of me (although, it didn't hurt as bad then as it does right now with little miss Allie :) ), growing stronger by the day. I remember how happy I was! Then, he was gone 4wks later...

Now it's her. This little girl that I love just as much as both of my other children. This little miracle who has shown me that life continues, and that it's still beautiful.
Then I ask myself: Will she ever know what she's truly done for us? She's put patches on the most broken of hearts. Will they ever be completely healed? No. But, she's not even here yet, and she has made it possible for her mother and father to smile again, and for me to finally breathe with ease.


...Cameron sat inside of me last year. He heard the loud boom of those fireworks. This year, he gets the best seat in the house. While in my mind, that spot is in my lap, I know in my heart that he couldn't be in a more beautiful place.

Happy 4th of July sweet pea ... I will be thinking of you as the beautiful lights fill the sky.

1 comment:

Heather Lee said...

What a beautiful entry...Just popped by to let you know I am thinking of you.....