Everything is all too familiar right now. The weather, the smell of the air, the way the breeze blows - it's all just one big rush of emotion for me. It's crazy that I can close my eyes and imagine exactly how things were last July
Even the smell of our house. It brings every little thing back so clearly. Every now and then, the smell of the hospital room will hit me. The feeling of lying in that bed, knowing Cameron was gone, while I stared out the window. I remember looking out at the city and watching everyone go about their business. How lucky they were I thought. It angered me at the same time - to know that those people were going about their daily lives, while I was in this room, with my son, who had already gone to be with the Lord, lay silently inside of me.
Everything is just super crazy. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through me. I miss him so much. I think of how different our life would be today, had he survived.
It's funny how I'm going back to the same ways of calming myself as I did last year. You think you get past that, but then it comes back. You have to remember how you got through those first few weeks of hell, and remind yourself that you can do this.
Remembering to "just breath" has been my saving grace for the past year...