It was 10 weeks two days ago that we lost Cameron. 10 weeks that I've been without my baby boy.
I can't believe that he's been gone that long. Time seems to have just flown by these past couple of months, and when I really stop and think....I still can't believe it.
We went to the local football game lastnight, and my God there were pregnant women everywhere!! At first it didn't bother me, but after awhile, I just couldn't look at them anymore. Or, I'd look, and catch myself staring at their bellies like some weirdo. It hurt because I should be 7 months pregnant right now! I should have that big belly too, and I should be able to feel my son inside me, kicking around as he grows bigger everyday.
As I was walking back to my car, holding Aiden's hand, I almost lost it. I should have both of my boys with me! I looked at Aiden and thought to myself how lucky I was to have him, but how unlucky I was to not have his little brother here. It just hurts.
We've been trying to get the word out about P.A.I.L. this October. We've been handing out fliers at every chance we get and I'm contacted the radio station about it. It's just amazing to me that hardly anyone knows about it! I don't see ribbons, I don't hear people talk about it. I see all of this stuff for breast cancer awareness, which is absolutely fantastic, but our babies deserve to be recognized too!!
My friend and I have been doing this, and we really hope that it sheds some light on it. We're not going to stop until it becomes recognized in this community.
I'm doing it for Cameron, for my friend's son Wyatt, and for all of the other babies out there. I'm just the type of person to TRY my hardest to turn a bad situation good. Not that I could ever turn what happened into complete goodness, but if I can bring out just the tiniest about of sometihng positive, I'm going to.
Oh, and I'm not pregnant.