Saturday, October 11, 2008

10 weeks

It was 10 weeks two days ago that we lost Cameron. 10 weeks that I've been without my baby boy.

I can't believe that he's been gone that long. Time seems to have just flown by these past couple of months, and when I really stop and think....I still can't believe it.

We went to the local football game lastnight, and my God there were pregnant women everywhere!! At first it didn't bother me, but after awhile, I just couldn't look at them anymore. Or, I'd look, and catch myself staring at their bellies like some weirdo. It hurt because I should be 7 months pregnant right now! I should have that big belly too, and I should be able to feel my son inside me, kicking around as he grows bigger everyday.

As I was walking back to my car, holding Aiden's hand, I almost lost it. I should have both of my boys with me! I looked at Aiden and thought to myself how lucky I was to have him, but how unlucky I was to not have his little brother here. It just hurts.

We've been trying to get the word out about P.A.I.L. this October. We've been handing out fliers at every chance we get and I'm contacted the radio station about it. It's just amazing to me that hardly anyone knows about it! I don't see ribbons, I don't hear people talk about it. I see all of this stuff for breast cancer awareness, which is absolutely fantastic, but our babies deserve to be recognized too!!

My friend and I have been doing this, and we really hope that it sheds some light on it. We're not going to stop until it becomes recognized in this community.

I'm doing it for Cameron, for my friend's son Wyatt, and for all of the other babies out there. I'm just the type of person to TRY my hardest to turn a bad situation good. Not that I could ever turn what happened into complete goodness, but if I can bring out just the tiniest about of sometihng positive, I'm going to.

Oh, and I'm not pregnant.


Beth said...

I am so glad you're trying to get the word out. I'm going to take a basket of ribbons to my work (I teach at a high school) and leave them next to the mailboxes for anybody who wants to wear one on the 15th. I hope people do wear them, but I'm also afraid that it's going to make me cry if I see everybody that I work with wearing a ribbon for Ada. It would be worse if they didn't wear them, though.

I am sorry that you're not pregnant. I went through that a couple of weeks ago. In hindsight though, I don't think we were ready yet. Will I be ready if I find out I'm pregnant 2 weeks from now? I'm not sure. I'm sure you will get pregnant again, but just think of this as another month to mourn your little Cameron.

Hollie said...

The ribbons are such a good idea Beth! I think I'll take some to work!

And you know, I was thinking the same thing about not being pregnant. As bummed as I was, I think it's a good thing. It's one more month for my body to get back to normal, and one more month for me to focus 100% on my little guy!

...I do think October would be a very special month to get my BFP in though :)

Good luck to you as well!

Mrs. Mother said...

I wrote a story about it for the paper where I work and used it last Sunday. I'll probably print a reminder in Wednesday's paper about the candle lighting thing. I'm also going to make ribbons, too.

Oh, and I'm sorry you aren't pregnant. I hope it happens quickly for you.