Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What's wrong with me?!?

So I'm very comfortable in saying that I had a chemical pregnancy last month. For those that don't know, it's basically a very early miscarriage. It happens in 50-60% of pregnancies, and only with these early pregnancy tests, have women been able to find out.

Had it not been for those tests, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.

I had taken 4 tests all together. The first one I took was a cheapie and I swore I saw something! So, I took another cheapie. That was looked negative to me. So, I went out and bought some decent ones, and at first I didn't see anything. I left it in the bathroom, and after about 5min. went back and, once again, swore I saw something! I thought for sure my eyes were playing tricks on me and it was only because I wanted to badly to see something.

I took the test apart, looked at it closely and still saw it. I turned the strip over and saw an indentation line with the SLIGHTEST hint of color to it. I thought, "Evap line?". So I tested again in the morning with the same kind, and the same thing happened. Not only that, but my temps were super indicative of pregnancy!! Almost the exact temps I had when I found out I was pregnant with Cameron...

Then, a day or two later, I got my period - 4 days early and boy was it hell. Probably one of the worst I've had!

My cycle this month has been all kinds of screwy. I don't get my temps or my OPK's and monitor. I thought I had O'd this past weekend. Well on Sunday, while at the store, something gave me the urge to get some OPK's. So, I did.
I peed on one that night and, while negative, it was very dark. I did another on in the morning and it was 100% positive. I didn't understand because everything else had pointed to me O'ing over the weekend at some point.

Someone brought up the possibility that I even O'd sooner than that and the OPK was showing up + because maybe I'm pregnant. So, just to rule things out and figure out what's going on, I took a test. It was negative.

I then took that test and compared it to the 2 I had taken last month. They were completely different. There was no hint of color or indentation of a line.

It just sucks to know that something was there, but it didn't work. I know this feeling all to well. Cameron was here, but my body didn't work the way it was supposed to, and now he's gone.

I'm not super sad, or beating myself up over this... just kind of disappointed. I wish there were no pregnancy tests. That way, I wouldn't have known.

What is so wrong with my body!? Why was I able to get prengnant in a split second, have a perfect pregnancy, and deliver a perfectly healthy baby just 4yrs. ago, but now I can't seem to do any of that...

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