Friday, October 3, 2008

Anxiously awaiting tomorrow

Tomorrow we will be attending the Annual Walk to Remember. I'm anxious, excited, and nervous. Anxious because I don't know what to expect, excited because all of this is for Cameron and the other babies, and nervous because I want to be OK. I don't want to go and be a mess...I want it to be a beautiful day for everyone there.

I'll admit, it's going to be somewhat weird being there with so many others who have lost babies. You know it happens, but I'm afraid to see how often it does. Not that I'm naive - how could I be after what happened? It's just going to be so heart-wrenching to know that ALL of those people have felt the pain I've felt and am still feeling. It's a pain I wouldn't wish I my worst enemy.

I will be testing next week to see if I'm pregnant this month. I'm excited, but incredibly scared at the same time. I still have mild anxiety attacks, and I'm afraid of getting pregnant and having them more often. Maybe we should have waited until I could completely get over the anxiety - then again, I know it's what I want.
There's a part of me that is telling me I'm pregnant, but I don't look into that too much. I think a lot of it comes from me wanting it so badly.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lots of luck on your walk! I am sure it will be wonderful. I will be sending baby dust your way that you will get the positive pregnancy test you are hoping for! Hugs!!!