One year ago today, I officially found out I was pregnant with our precious little Cameron. Technically I got my BFP yesterday last year, but I didn't realize it!
Chev and I were going to a friend's birthday party on the 12th, and I took a test just to be safe. I didn't know if I would drink or not, but I wanted to have a clear conscience if I happened to. I took one and it was negative. I put it in the trash and we left. I did end up drinking that night, but not excessively by ANY means. I woke up the next morning and just randomly decided to pull that test out of the trash. I looked at it and had to blink twice! There was a faint pink line!! I was thinking there was no way possible - that it had to be a bad test! SO, I went ahead and took another one. It was probably the faintest line I had ever gotten on a test, but it was there. Chev couldn't see it, neither could half my friends, but myself and my friend who deals with fertility and what not for a living, saw it too!
I clearly remember Chev saying to me, "You guys are probably only seeing a line because you want to see a line." I was hurt. I looked at him and said, "So does that mean you don't see one because you don't want to?!". He immediately took back his words and apologized.
Of course I took another test the next day and it was dark enough for him to see it. We were elated! Little did we know that, that little line meant our lives would be changing forever - and not in the way we had wanted it to.
We were so happy, lively, and care-free then - naive if you will. I want that back, I really do. But, I know it will never happen. Of course we're happy people still, and I'm slowly getting back to that care-free person I used to be, but I don't think the naive part of me will ever be back. I now truly know how your life can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.
Am I happy about that? I don't know. I think there's a part in all of us that likes being naive - that likes not knowing about the truly horrible things in life. Of course we KNOW about them, but we seldom think any of it would ever happen to us.
Then it does and our lives are changed forever.