Friday, April 10, 2009

They never leave us

My MIL and I were talking a couple weeks ago, and we got on a very interesting topic. We were talking about Cameron, and how we believe that those we lost are still very much around us.

I know they are! While I don't know exactly where it is they go to, I do know they are still "here". I've never had those feelings like I had after Cameron passed. The ones where I'm sitting there and I close my eyes, and I can feel the most peaceful presence around me. At times, I almost felt weightless - it was amazing!
I also believe that we don't feel them at all times. But, they let their presence be known when they know we need them. I felt Cameron and something else around me A LOT in the beginning. I could feel someone else in that house with me, when I was sitting on the couch at night crying. Now whether it was Cameron or it was my grandma with Cameron, I don't know. I just know it brought such a sense of peace into my heart.

It was that same peaceful feeling I got when Cameron was born. I thought I would be a wreck, but as I held him in my arms, I honestly felt as if I had a million people in that room, hugging me at the same time. Something inside me said, "It's going to be OK.". I didn't need anything else at that moment - I had my sweet baby boy in my arms, my husband at my side, and some amazing comfort coming from someone...something...from somewhere I have no idea bout.

However, lately, I don't feel that as much anymore. And that's where I truly believe that they know when we need them. I know they are always around, but they really let their presence be known during our most heartbreaking times. Cameron knows I love him, and that I will always need him, but I also think he knows that I don't depend on those feelings of him constantly being here to get me through the day anymore, you know? I'm just so glad that in the times that I do need it, he's right there.

Aiden was asking about all of that last night. He was wondering how Cameron was here, but he couldn't see him. Goodness! Try explaining that to a 4yr old!

1 comment:

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I'm glad you feel peaceful about this and that Cameron is still helping you out. I can't imagine explaining all of that to a 4 year old, but it sounds like you know Cameron knows he is loved and is returning it, which is a very pleasant thought.