Off and On

This week has been better - so the pattern always goes.

My friend just had her babyshower for her son. Our boys were supposed to be only a month apart. It was super hard to be there, but I'm very happy for her. I was doing fine until we started playing games. I won one of the games and got to open the gift. Well, they had it set up to where she got the gift you open. So, I start pulling the tissue out of the bag, and then start pulling out baby toys, baby bottles, and bibs. It hit me then. I should be opening these things in a couple weeks - things that would have been for Cameron. I quickly put the things back in the bag and set it down next to her without saying a word.
Then it was time for her to cut her cake. While she was doing this, I couldn't help but look up at the sign in the window. "Baby Boy! Welcome Jace!". Cameron's name should have been on one of those signs here soon...
At that point, I lost it. I went outside and just bawled. Heather was there, thank God. She came out with me and we talked. She had a pretty hard time too, and that was the first time I had seen her really cry since the walk back in the beginning of October.

It was just an overwhelming sense of sadness inside. It sucked.

Then today, I get yet another baby diaper in the mail. This time from huggies. The front of the package says, "Happy & Healthy: Almost there!" - Everything about that statement is wrong.


However, today was not all bad. I had gone to the bank just a little bit ago. I walked up to the counter and chatted with the girl behind the desk while I was filling out some papers. She asked, "How are you doing? I heard what happened..." I was stunned! I didn't even know this girl! Come to find out she went to school with Chev. I told her I was doing OK, and she said she couldn't even imagine and that she was so sorry. I told her that Chev and I were doing as best as can be expected, and that we're getting through it. I also mentioned that we are hoping for a little Summer baby. She smiled at me and just said, "That'll be nice...".

It's people like that that I appreciate so much! She didn't try given me some random words of wisdom, or pretend to know how I felt. She simply asked how I was doing, and offered her condolenses.