Fall is fast approaching and honestly, it's somewhat of a relief. I don't know that Summer will ever be the same for me again.
I'm looking forward to Fall though! It's such a beautiful and peaceful time of year and I know it will reflect Cameron more than ever!
The days are getting better now, but my heart still aches - as I'm sure it always will. I miss him so much and everyday is just another day without my little boy.
I don't know if this pain will ever go away, but I'm living proof that it does get better. I'm living with Cameron's death in the only way I know how - to just let the pain come. To let my heart hurt how it needs to in order for it to try and heal itself.
There will always be a part of my heart missing, but I know Cameron has that missing piece and he always will. He'll hold it dear until we meet again one day.
The love between a mother and son is indescribable, and the loss of a son is just the same. I can't describe the pain to anyone. It just hurts insanely bad - that's all I can say.
It doesn't make sense to lose a child because it's not the "order of life". No child should die before their parent and no child should die before ever taking their first breath.
Having said that, I will never stop trying to find the beauty in this. In this moment, it is so awful and ugly, but one day I hope to wake up and see the "beautiful" reason behind it.
Cameron's death has already shown me so much! I pay more attention to the world around me - the beautiful things it has to offer. Every flower, every bird, butterfly or animal I pass, I take notice to! The ripples in the water, the leaves as they fall from the trees - it all catches my eye!
I think that all has a lot to do with my decision to pursue photography! Like I've said, I've always been interested in it and It has always fascinated me, but only recently have I been able to look at things and see them so beautifully.
I want to capture these things so they will forever be locked in time. So that I can forever remember this gift my angel has given me! I will think of it as my gift back to him and my gift to others - To give them the ability to see things the way I see them now!
So often we take so much for granted. I can't thank God enough for letting me live to experience these things. Things I took for granted - things I never paid much mind to until I lost my sweet baby boy. I'm sad that it took Cameron's passing to make me realize this. But, I will always cherish him and what he has shown me!
...I just wish there was a way to bring him back and promise that I would never take these little things around me for granted anymore.