Monday, September 8, 2008

Trying again...

Well, as you all know, we have been toying with the thought of TTC again. We weren't sure when we would start trying, but initially thought November.

Being a mother who has lost her baby, I have that emptiness inside me. The emptiness that needs to be filled now.
I got my first cycle this month, and am thinking that if my midwife thinks its OK, we will be trying for a June 2009 baby.

I really believe I'm ready, and it's the only thought in my head that makes me somewhat happy when I'm having a down moment. I am now past those feelings of utter guilt. I know Cameron wouldn't want me longing for another baby forever, and I know he would want Aiden to have a little brother or sister here on Earth with him. Aiden so wants me to have another baby!

I'm nervous, but that's expected. I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy my next pregnancy, but I'm not sure how that's going to go. When I was pregnant with Aiden, I was so care free. I thought that after 13wks. I didn't have anything to worry about. And my pregnancy went on without a single glitch.
Now, I'm 4yrs older and I know the dangers. I'm completely aware of what can happen! I've seen it happen to my close friend who lost her son at 37wks. to some freak occurrence

...and I've lived it myself.

I ask myself how I'm supposed to enjoy pregnancy after this. I know Cameron will be watching over me and I'll make sure to ask him to keep an extra eye on his little brother/sister. I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy it and remember that each baby is a true blessing! I won't be able to breath easy until that baby is born - alive and in my arms! I can't imagine how I'm going to feel or how special that moment is going to be to my family!!

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