Monday, September 22, 2008

Missin' my little man...

I've been thinking a lot about Cameron in the past couple of days. I mean, he's always in my heart and my thoughts go to him constantly throughout the day, but just more so lately.

I cried while driving to work yesterday. Nothing too bad, but definitely some tears. I don't know if it was from seeing all of the pregnant women coming in or if it was from folding the baby boy clothes in the baby section the day before, but something was definitely getting to me. I tried smiling through the tears and telling Cameron I loved him, but it didn't take the sadness away this time.
I was OK by time I actually got to work, but would still stop throughout the day and fall into a semi-daydreaming state. At one point, I walked over to the baby section and grabbed onto a baby blue onesie - newborn size. I grabbed onto it and squeezed it, then ran my fingers down it. All I could think about was how I should be buying those cute little outfits for Cameron to wear in 3 months. I sighed, let out a half smile and went about my business.

Lastnight I was lying on the couch and just started singing. I don't know what brought on the urge, but I did it. I love singing, and it was one of my favorite things to do when I was pregnant with Cameron! Especially during those 3wks of bedrest! I would just lie there and sing to him for hours on end. I miss doing that, and I'm sad I can't really do it anymore. I still sing to him, but he's not where he should be and that's what makes it hard.
I love that I got that special time with him when I did though, and It's something I'll never forget as long as I live.

I then started thinking of his sweet face! God, those chubby little cheeks were just the most precious thing in the entire world! I'm just so incredibly sad that I don't get to see them come Christmas. It's so hard to think about that, but I know we'll do our own special thing for him come Christmas time!

...I just miss him. I have since July 31, and I will for the rest of my life.


Mrs. Mother said...

Oh honey, I know about the missing part. I just feel like we are missing out on so much.

Anonymous said...

Oh... I think about Christmas too and even all of those little things that we will missing out on. It is definitely hard!