I'm a little disappointed and a little confused right now.
Ok, well first things first: I did talk with dh and he's on board with trying to conceive again right now. He explained that his only reason for wanting to wait until November was out of concern for me. He didn't want me to be wanting this only because I had just seen his best friend's newborn son. He was afraid me of getting pregnant too soon and becoming depressed or something happening to the baby.
I explained to him that I have been ready for a couple of weeks now. I'm 99.9% ready. That 1% of doubt will ALWAYS be there - out of fear and out of heartache from missing Cameron.
I told him that if I were to get pregnant and we lost the baby early on, then we do and we know it was too soon. As sad as I would be, and as harsh as this may sound, nothing will ever compare to a stillbirth. And if I can get through that, I can get through anything.
I do have to mention something though! As we were lying in bed talking about it, all of a sudden a green light was cast on the ceiling. I looked around because I had no idea what would be causing it! Well I looked down and, on a pillow, on the floor was Cameron's blanket - with my phone lying on top of it. It's the blanket he had with him in the hospital and the one I sleep with everynight. So my phone is lying on his blanket and it turned on out of nowhere! It was putting that green light on the ceiling. So I jokingly turned to Chev and said, "See honey, Cameron's giving us the green light too!" :)
Ok, back to my story. So the TTC talk is out of the way and we're good to go. Problem is, now all of a sudden my body is deciding to be funky. I had the typical post-partum bleeding after delivery for 2wks. Had nothing for 3wks after that and then got my first period. That lasted 5-6 days. Like any regular cycle right? Well that's what I thought!
I had been tempin and charting and all of that fun stuff, and everything pointed to be getting ready to ovulate by the end of this week! But, out of nowhere, the minute Chev and I talk and agree on ttc, I start, what I think is my 2nd period in 2 weeks!!
I'm bummed because...well, 1.) I don't know what's going on with my body now. and 2.) This means we will be put back on ttc.
Maybe it's a sign that we shouldn't be starting so soon, but idk!!!! I am soooo ready, and now this gets thrown in my way and it's just frustrating! My body was doing everything it was supposed to do in order to get back to normal, and now this.