I can't even put into words how beautiful and perfect today was! I was sure I was going to have a mental break down leading up to the memorial though! But, everything turned out just the way I had hoped.
The weather couldn't have been more beautiful!!! It had rained last night and the night before, and I was so afraid it was going to do the same today - that or it was going to be miserably muggy! Well no rain, full sunshine, and the rain from the night before actually cooled things off to the perfect temperature! It was perfect!
My speech went well. I made it through it and I feel so accomplished for having done so! It was hard, but thinking of Cameron is what got me through it!
I didn't pay too much attention at the time, but a few people noted that while I was up there, the wind picked up and blew a couple strong gusts through the area. Then, when I was done talking and stepped away from the podium, it quit. I have no doubt in my mind that that was our little Cameron!
Also, the roses we got were so beautiful! They hadn't fully bloomed yet when we picked them up this morning, but by the end of the service, they were some of the most beautiful, big, and fully bloomed roses I had ever seen!
After the ceremony was over, and everyone was just hanging out talking, I sat down for a few. I looked up and the first thing I saw was a beautiful monarch!! I had made mention of butterflies in Cameron's speech. I had said that I know Cameron is all around me - in the rain drops that hit my face, in the gentle wind that blows, and in the tiniest, beautiful butterfly that flutters by. I thought of Cameron the second that butterfly passed by me!
It was a bittersweet day. Everything was beautiful and I was happy for that! I was happy that Cameron got the service he deserved! But, part of me walked away from there so sad. It was like the scab that had been starting to form over my heart had been ripped away. The pastor who spoke said this will happen many more times in our lifetime. He lost his son, who was 18yrs. old to a drunk driver a few years back. I think just seeing all of this things - his picture, his urn, his outfits, his blanket, etc. just made everything come back again. The balloon release was especially hard. Watching them float away, high into the sky was so beautiful, but it tugged at my heart a bit. It was like I was watching Cameron leave us all over again.
...I just pulled out my speech and noticed that it is stained from my tears falling on it this afternoon.
I'll get through this day, and I'll be OK...I know this.