On the day we got home from the hospital, I noticed something new starting to grow in our back yard. I didn't pay too much attention to it, as I was in a huge daze, and it was just a stem at that point, but a few days later I took notice. Amongst the dead grass, weeds, and other greens in our backyard (we've had a shortage of rain), there was the most beautiful flower growing. It stands on one thick stem, and has 8 flowers growing from it. I'm so confused as to how it's thriving when everything else is dying. It makes me think of Cameron and smile everytime I look at it.
It's 3 weeks today. I honestly can't believe how fast the days have gone by! It's so weird though, because at times, I swore time was standing still. The whole process is so confusing to me...but I'm just learning to "roll with the punches" I suppose.
I was sitting here and realized that I don't think about Cameron as much. Atleast not in the past couple of days. He's ALWAYS in my heart, but there's times where I'll stop and realize that I'm starting to go about normal, everyday life, and it makes me sad. I'm so proud of myself for pulling through this the way that I have, but I can't help but feel guilty.
I know Cameron would want no less of me, and I know he's watching me, smiling, because he knows I'm ok!
I still do my little things for him, like kiss his picture and urn goodnight, sleep with his blanket and tell "him" good morning when I wake up. I think it's doing those things that have helped me so much through this healing process. I'm in no way, shape or form saying I am 100% better yet, but I am getting there.
I just never thought I could get through something like this. I've always been a very strong person, and have pulled through some pretty tough times in my life, but I never imagined being able to do the same in a situation like this one. I've come to realize how strong my heart and my will really are...