Thursday, August 14, 2008

Where did those good days go?

Wow, so last night was rough. Probably one of the worst I've had since we lost Cameron.

I still woke up with a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have yet to see what that feeling means...only the day will tell.

I don't know where all of my thoughts and feelings of peace went. It's so scary to me that they can just disappear like that in a days time. I honestly just don't know...

I haven't eaten worth a damn since Cameron passed. In 2 weeks time, I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant. My new jeans that I JUST bought are too big on me. I am truly a mess.

I'm getting that panicked feeling inside of me. I need to be doing something but I don't know what. It's eating away at me, and I don't know how to make it go away. It sort of faded away last time, when I started coming to terms with everything (or so I thought). Now it's back, in the midst of my self-healing, and I hate it with every ounce of my being.

Pulling myself out of these pits is what truly defines me. I can do it, I know I can. I've done it before. It's just taking that first step that's the hardest. Even though I've done it before, I still can't figure out how I'm supposed to approach it.

Well, here's hopefully looking at better days ahead...

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