Getting through this bump in the road

It's 1:30 and I can't fall asleep. I'm really trying not to take my sleeping pills, but I think I might have to if this continues.

I don't know what's going on. I thought I would have even more of a sense of peace after the memorial, but it didn't happen. I mean, part of it is there, but for the most part, I feel so numb right now. I don't know if it's because I had started the healing process and was doing so well with it - only to have the memorial bring everything back. Back to the very beginning.

Don't get me wrong, the memorial was absolute beautiful! Everything that Cameron deserved! I was so proud to be sharing that day with our friends and family!! I'll never forget a single part of it. But it all goes back to the scab theory...

I don't think most people would have began forming that scab when I did. Like I said a million times, I was amazed at how well I was going. I owe it all to my faith and to my belief that Cameron is right here with me...always. As wonderful as that was for me, it made the memorial harder. It took me back to square one.

I know I can make it back to where I was, but it's hard being thrown back when you had come so far. I let the tears come - I embrace them. As sad as they are, they've always been great therapy for me.

Chev is working 10hr days this week, so that makes it a bit harder. He'll be home in about 10 minutes. I didn't expect myself to still be up, but like I said...I can't sleep. I'm hoping once he gets here, it will make it an easier night...