Friday, August 22, 2008

How am I supposed to react?!

I don't know if I can take this anymore! I feel like I'm going to blow up on the hubby at any moment.

Seriously, I get that men and women deal with things differently, but I can't handle the difference. I feel like we're on completely different worlds! He doesn't talk to me, doesn't take time to ask how things for the memorial are going. I'm planning this entire thing by myself, it's on Sunday, and he has yet to lift a finger. I know he's busy with work, and he says he doesn't have time, but yet he had time to go out and finish the shelves for the office this morning!!!

Today we met with the chaplain who's doing the service for us. Great guy - I really like him!! Anyway, Chev couldn't even bring himself to bow his head when the chaplain said a prayer for us and Cameron at the end. You can't even bow your head for your own damn son?!?

I get that he's had some weird epiphany in the last year or so, and doesn't, for whatever reason, believe in God anymore. Do you know how hard that is to be going through something like this with a husband who doesn't believe in God and/or prayer?! He wasn't like that when I met him, but now he is. We really are on two completely different levels. He doesn't get the way I'm grieving or the way I'm healing. How is he supposed to help me if he doesn't understand or believe in any of it?!

I can hardly bring myself to talk to him about any of it anymore! When all of this first happened, I felt closer to him than ever, but when I started realizing how different we view things, it's getting harder and harder to talk to him. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely open-minded and don't look down on those who have different views than myself, but when it's my husband who has 100% changed his views, it's a little hard.

Well, I'm off again, to go get more things to do myself for the memorial....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I understand what its like living in a marriage with a husband who does not know Jesus. I am praying for you and your husband and your relationship together.