I'm glad to say that today has been much easier on me! I smiled more today, and more importantly, I actually meant it!
I went to lunch with my mom and we talked about Cameron some, which is always nice!! I love talking about him, and that's what people don't understand. Everyone is so afraid to ask questions and talk about it. I want to tell them it's OK - as a matter of fact, he's my favorite subject!
Today was also a day in which my mind was more at ease with the thought of TTC. It's still day to day, just as everything else is right now, but I'm happy to be feeling this way right now. Everyday I try to picture myself pregnant at that very moment, and I see how my mind reacts. Sometimes I can't even fathom the idea and I instantly stop thinking about it. Other days - like today - I get a sense of excitement that goes through me! I want to feel that life inside me again. I want to know that there's another tiny heartbeat inside of me. It won't be Cameron, and that hurts like hell, but I think it will help us...
I wish we didn't have to wait so long, but I know it's best. I dont' want to do anything to jepordize our next child! My body needs to 100% ready to be pregnant again! Physically I feel absolutely back to normal, but I don't know what's going on inside of me.
We will most likely start TTC in October/November
I can't believe it's already been a month!!! Apparently time flies...even when you're not having fun! It honestly feels like I was just pregnant and we just lost him yesterday! Everything went by so fast, and I swear there are days that I need to remind myself that I was, indeed, pregnant.
Like Jenna's mom said - One day at a time.
I have a feeling I'll be living by those words for quite some time...